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George Carlin on Bush War
by GEORGE CARLIN

www.conspiracyplanet.com/channel.cfm?channelid=104&contentid=55&page=1

Rockets and Penises in the Persian Gulf

History Lesson - I'd like to talk a little about that 'war' we had in
the Persian Gulf. Remember that? The big war in the Persian Gulf? Lemme
tell you what was goin' on.

Naturally, you can forget all that entertaining fiction about having to
defend the model democracy those lucky Kuwaitis get to live under. And
for the moment you can also put aside the very real, periodic need
Americans have for testing their new weapons on human flesh. And also,
just for the fun of it, let's ignore George Bush Sr.'s obligation to
protect the oil interests of his family and friends. There was another,
much more important, consideration at work. Here's what really happened.

Dropping a Load for Uncle Sam.

The simple fact is that America was long overdue to drop high explosives
on helpless civilians; people who have no argument with us whatsoever.
After all, it had been awhile, and the hunger gnaws. Remember that's our
specialty: picking on countries that have marginally effective air forces.

Yugoslavia is another, more recent example.

Surfing Unnecessary

But all that aside, let me tell you what I liked about that Gulf War: it
was the first war that appeared on every television channel, including
cable.

And even though the TV show consisted largely of Pentagon war criminals
displaying maps and charts, it got very good ratings. And that makes
sense, because we like war. We're a warlike people. We can't stand not
to be fucking with someone. We couldn't wait for the Cold War to end so
we could climb into the big Arab sandbox and play with our nice new
toys. We enjoy war.

And one reason we enjoy it is that we're good at it. You know why we're
good at it? Because we get alot of practice. This country is only 200
years old, and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war
every twenty years, So we're good at it!

And it's just as well we are, because we're not very good at anything
else. Can't build a decent car anymore. Can't make a TV set, a cell
phone, or a VCR. Got no steel industry left. No textiles. Can't educate
our young people. Can't get health care to our old people. But we can
bomb the shit outta your country, all right. We can bomb the shit outta
your country!

If You're Brown, You're Goin Down

Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that,
don't we? That's our hobby now. But it's also our new job in the world:
bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown
people in your country? Tell 'em to watch the fuck out, or we'll goddamn
bomb them!

Well, who were the last white people you can remember that we bombed? In
fact, can you remember any white people we ever bombed? The Germans!
That's it! Those are the only ones. And that was only because they were
tryin' to cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world.

Bullshit! That's our job. That's our fuckin' job.

But the Germans are ancient history. These days, we only bomb brown
people. And not because they're cutting in our action; we do it because
they're brown. Even those Serbs we bombed in Yugoslavia aren't really
white, are they? Naaah! They're sort of down near the swarthy end of the
white spectrum. Just brown enough to bomb. I'm still waiting for the day
we bomb the English. People who really deserve it.

A Disobediant American

Now you folks might've noticed, I don't feel about that Gulf War the way
we were instructed to feel about it by the United States government. My
mind doesn't work that way. You see, I've got this real moron thing I
do, it's called 'Thinking'. And I guess I'm not a very good American,
because I like to form my own opinions; I don't just roll over when I'm
told. Most Americans roll over on command. Not me, There are certain
rules I observe.

Believe You Me

My first rule: Never believe what anyone in authority says. None of
them. Government, Police, clergy, the corporate criminals. None of them.
And neither do I believe anything I'm told by the media, who, in the
case of the Gulf War, functioned as little more than unpaid employees of
the Defense Department, and who, most of the time, operate as unofficial
public relations agency for the government and industry.

I don't believe in any of them. And I have to tell you, folks, I don't
really believe very much in my country either. I don't get all choked up
about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I
leave them to the symbol-minded.

Show us your Dick

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it
largely as an exercise in dick-waving. That's really all it is: alot of
men standing around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men,
insecure abuot the size of their penises, choose to kill one another.

That's also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what
that macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms
represents. It's called 'dick fear.' Men are terrified that their dicks
are inadequate, and so they have to 'compete' in order to feel better
about themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially
men are killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem.

You needn't be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger
Dick Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: 'What? They have
bigger dicks? Bomb them!' And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the
bullets are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There's an
unconscious need to project the national penis into the affairs of
others. It's called 'fucking with people'

Show us your Bush

So as far as I'm concerned, that whole thing in the Persian Gulf was
nothing more than one big dick-waving cockfight.

In this particular case, Saddam Hussein questioned the size of George
Bush's dick. And George Bush had been called a wimp for so long, he
apparently felt the need to act out his manhood fantasies by sending
America's white children to kill other people's brown children.

Clearly the worst kind of wimp.

Even his name, 'Bush', as slang, is related to the genitals without
being the genitals.

A bush is sort of a passive, secondary sex characteristic. It's even
used as a slang term for women: 'Hey, pal, how's the bush in this area?'

I can't help thinking, if this president's name had been George
Boner...well, he might have felt a little better about himself, and he
wouldn't have had to kill all those children. Too bad he couldn't locate
his manhood.

Premature Extraction

Actually, when you think about it, this country has had a manhood
problem for some time. You can tell the language we use; language always
gives us away. What did we do wrong in Vietnam? We 'pulled out'! Not a
very manly thing to do. No. When you're fucking people, you're supposed
to stay with it and fuck them good; fuck them to death; hang in there
and keep fucking them until they're all fucking dead.

But in Vietnam what happened was by accident we left a few women and
children alive, and we haven't felt good about ourselves since.

That's why in the Persian Gulf, George Bush had to say, 'This will not
be another Vietnam.' He actually said, 'this time we're going all the way.'

Imagine. An American president using the sexual slang of a
thirteen-year-old to describe his foreign policy.

And, of course, when it got right down to it, he didn't 'go all the
way.' Faced with going into Baghdad he punked out. No balls. Just Bush.

Instead, he applied sanctions, so he'd be sure that an extra half a
million brown children would die. And so his oil buddies could continue
to fill their pockets.

If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf, just remember the
first names of the two men who ran that war: Dick Cheney and Colin Powell.

Dick and Colon.

Someone got fucked in the ass.

And those brown people better make sure they keep their pants on,
because Dick and Colin have come back for an encore.