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U.S. Supreme Court Intervenes in CA Recall Election; Porn Star Mary Carey on top
Posted by stcrispin on 2003/9/17 13:10:51 (277 reads)

NewsHax wire - Acting quickly on the heels of the Ninth Circuit?s decision postponing the recall election scheduled for early October, the United States Supreme Court today announced that it had intervened to forestall the need for any election at all and, by a vote of 7-2, had chosen porn star Mary Carey as the next governor of California. (more...)

Veteran court watchers regarded the Justices? actions as somewhat unusual, since, technically, the issues had not yet been briefed or argued. In announcing the Court?s decision, which was joined by all the male members of the Court, Chief Justice Rhenquist explained that the Justices had acted so promptly because they anticipated a busy October Term starting in a few weeks and ?Dagnabbit, we didn?t want to be distracted by a lot of dumb election disputes when we have more important things to think about, like the interplay between the Commerce Clause of the United States Constitution and the Bean Sprout Growers Reform Act of 1997. ? Mr. Justice Rhenquist indicated that the Court anticipates releasing later this week the results of all upcoming state and local elections through June 2004, when the Court takes its summer recess.

The Court?s reasoning in selecting Ms. Carey was somewhat difficult to ascertain. The opinion of the Court seemed to rely heavily on its prior decisions regarding pornography, citing, among other things, Justice Potter Stewart?s famous statement ?I know it when I see it.? ?The Court also,? wrote the majority, ?knows a governor when it sees her, and we find the election of a porn star to be constitutionally protected free speech. Insofar as Ms. Carey is a self-described ?sex goddess,? her election is further supported by the First Amendment?s protection of the free exercise of religion.? The dissent by Justices O?Connor and Ginsburg was limited to a single word: ?Men!?

Both Republicans and Democrats were stunned by the turn of events. Recall activist Elizabeth Weston was particularly outspoken in denouncing the Court?s intervention to prevent a popular election. ?We put enormous time and money into undoing the results of the last election. We managed to convince a lot of people that Gray Davis shouldn?t be allowed to hold office just because he won the popular vote, and now these guys poke their noses in and thwart the will of the majority. I mean, that?s our job, for Pete?s sake. The Supreme Court should stick to electing presidents and leave California alone.?

Democrats were generally more philosophical about the turn of events. ?Let?s face it,? said party leader Tony de al Hoya, ?We?re kind of getting used to this sort of thing.?

The only Democratic who openly expressed support for the Court?s decision was an obviously delighted former President Bill Clinton. Mr. Clinton offered his complete support to Governor-elect Carey, and, in fact, offered to serve in her administration. ?I think I?d be a good fit for her,? said the former president. ?I think we are both highly experienced in areas that would be mutually beneficial . I?d be delighted to work under her, or in any other position she thinks would be appropriate. I mean, I?m easy. Hell, everybody knows that.?